take a second.

This week I had my "official" admissions interview with my graduate program. Even though I've already technically been accepted, I've had to jump through a couple of hoops to make it the real real deal. I can understand why they do this, particularly with a Counseling program. They need to make sure they're not sending a bunch of quacks through a program that is designed to assist people with their mental and behavioral stability. Seems reasonable.

So today I was thinking to myself, SELF: You are who you are because of what you allow yourself to be. I think this was formulated in part after reading an uplifting letter of recommendation written by a former supervisor and long-time friend, but also just through some self-reflection. I can be peaceful, content and excited about my life because that's what I allow. I can be miserable, dodgy and regretful because that's what I allow. Why in the WORLD would I want to be the latter? For every action or thought, there is motivation and reason driving it: Why do I go to the gym? Because it makes me feel better and, according to the gym owner, "It's all about the LGN, baby!" Looking Good Naked. Duh. What kind of attitude should I bring to work today? Positive, light, low-stress, determined. My business is fast-paced, relatively high-stress and can be very negative; basically, I have no interest in allowing those things to infiltrate ME so deciding how to counter it is another thing I allow.

I digress . . . Every now and then it's a good idea to look in the mirror. Don't just glance; LOOK. Look at what your eyes tell you. Do they dance or are they sad? Look at the lines and the freckles. Are they there from laughing in the sun after a long hike or did they come from staring at a computer all day, stressing out about which spreadsheet should be sent to whom first. (Yuck.) And finally, allow yourself a smile. It's both to you and from you and will be more rewarding than you think. Aaaaaaand GO.

P.S. Today is my Grams' 75th birthday! Since I can't be there, I'm sending her lots and lots of love energies. She's amazing.

bum knees.

My weekend ended up being pretty disastrous. Almost to the point of being comical. Almost. As I had mentioned yesterday, my ski plans got botched thanks to a little screw in the road. So I came home and caught up on a little sleep (while still wearing my ski pants . . . ), then headed out to get the tire repaired. An hour later I came back home with the same screw in the same tire because the places were too busy. My roommate is taking the car in today to get the tire fixed. Bless him.

Well, next I chatted my fiance's face off for a bit, then decided to get out of the house and go for a run. I had every intention of making it a 10-miler and felt amazing when I started out. You know that feeling when your gait is perfect, your lungs feel like you're breathing air sent from Heaven, and you think your legs can last a millenium? That was me yesterday. Soooo off I went, into the country and feeling great. Around mile five, I got deep into a thought about Stuffed vs. Double Stuffed Oreos (not kidding) and . . . next thing I know, I'd tripped on a rock and was skidding across a dirt/gravel track on my hands and knees. For the record, this is about the fourth time I've done this and was by far the worst. I got up and tried to catch my breath among the ensuing sobs. When I fall, I don't allow myself any pity so sitting on the ground and crying is definitely not an option. Looking down, my left knee was completely open (gross) and my right was completely skinned, not to mention my right palm having a significant amount of damage. My left hand was saved thanks to the water bottle I was holding. Super. 

I walked a mile home, shivering from the setting sun and holding back tears as best I could. The thing that bothered me most out of all this was that no one, not one single person, stopped to ask if I was OK. I mean, I wasn't exactly approachable: twenty-something woman wearing neon clothes, blood running down my legs and sweaty, mascara-y tears running down my cheeks, lip pouting almost to the ground . . . but COME ON PEOPLE! It's the holidays! Season of perpetual hope? (Home Alone, anyone?) Anyway, here's what my poor knees look like today. I mostly wanted to include this picture because of my super sexy stockings. Maybe I need a new hobby. I'm sure knitting or painting are nice.

Needless to say, I didn't get much done last night, save a few hours of sleep in the couch (literally, in the couch because that thing just gobbles you up). When my roommate and his brother got home he said, "Wow, you look pale." Nothing like boosting the old self-esteem! Oh well, that's life and as long as I live to see another day, I'm one happy camper.

"We can't all be heroes because someone has to sit on the curb and clap as they go by." - Will Rogers

hmmm.

Some things are a blessing in disguise, but I've yet to decide what the blessing is . . . in hitting a screw on the highway and having to cancel my impromptu ski trip today. Who knows? Maybe the snow would have been terrible and I would have busted up my new planks. I bet that's what would have happened . . . and God was just looking out for me and stuff.

But I was all set up in my purple pants and Dave tee! Bummer.

I think I'll keep them on for awhile, at least to nap in them or something really super productive like that. Life is like that sometimes. :) But you know what? I'll have MONTHS and YEARS to ski and what's best is that I only have a month to wait until I can ski with my best friend. Until then, I'll have Loving Wings to listen to and the always delightful but not always tasteful Mr. George to keep me company . . .

 

 'Cause love can feel like it saves your life, you know. More than food; like water.

-Dave Matthews

a little token of appreciation.

One of my clients--and I should probably admit that he's one of my favorites--brought this in for me today!

Yesterday he called and said, "I have something for you! I will bring it tomorrow." I told him to be sure to ask for me so that I could come out front and talk to him, but sadly I was in a meeting when he came by. I was SO excited to get this! It helps to know that my work doesn't always go unnoticed, especially by the people I'm serving. I haven't been able to get ahold of him yet but CAN'T WAIT to tell him thank you!

turkey plans.

This is the first Thanksgiving I'll be spending away from family and you know what? I'm OK with it. It's amazing how things shift in only a short amount of time.

The past two years I'd been living in Denver and went home to Nebraska to spend Thanksgiving with family.

Prior to that, college . . . high school . . . grade school . . . you get my point.

This year I'll be home in New Mexico with friends. I have so much for which to be thankful, namely my favorite person in the world who's spending his Thanksgiving overseas. I feel fortunate because of the network of support among military families. Tomorrow we're going to my friend's house to have dinner with her family--her husband also happens to be in charge of my roommate's flight--then, since one dinner isn't enough, we're going over to some other friends' house for a multi-family potluck complete with two turkeys, a ham and so many side dishes we're all going to pop. I'm pretty sure the message from the host last night was: It's probably a good thing we'll have two turkeys because the first one might get botched depending on how much I have to drink . . . or something like that. So, wish us luck?

“We can choose to enjoy the magic of this time of year. We may not always get to choose the people and circumstances around us, but we always have a choice about how we relate to them.” - Mike Robbins

I have a feeling this year will be just fine.

weekend recap.

These past couple of days have been a little tricky in the ol' emo department. I think it's the holidays. Although it's supposed to be "the most wonderful time of the year," I've just been a little funky. Usually the best way for me to get out of any sort of rut is to exercise. I let that treadmill have it. Yesterday I totally did--I put in a hot little playlist my brother made me and ran like it was nobody's biz. Then I hit the weights, having no real agenda but legs. Well somewhere in between a workout high and watching the sweat hit the floor, I forgot to drink water. I've done smarter things. So after a quick sip of aguas and parking it on a bench for a few minutes, I was feeling much better.

Another mind over matter . . . or matter over mind, in this case . . . thing is to keep myself really busy. And truly, this is helpful for any type of thing. Over the weekend I did just that and gosh darnit! I'm proud of myself. :)

First, I spent some time on wedding things. Details details details. I love it. Mostly I perused flowers . . . one of my most favorite things. Miss Stella Bug was there to provide her valuable insight:



Next, I did some, um, mending? to the disastrous fence. In theory my idea was nothing short of golden, but in practice I think it could use a little help. I did, however, get kudos from my roommate. He was checking it out yesterday and said that even though it looks pretty dumb, it actually works. Of course it works, silly. But like I said, it looks kiiiiiiiinda dumb (there are also stakes on the back side to balance the weight):

And finally, I committed to some room improvements. A little over two months ago, we bought some paint for the bathroom and bedroom and while we painted the bathroom that very night, the bedroom went untouched . . . until Sunday. I finally busted out the Fire on the Mountain paint and let the wall have it. While it's pretty loud, it's actually quite lovely. This picture doesn't really do it justice:

And look at that, I'm already feeling better. (And I just realized I put the pillows on the bed upside down . . . did anyone else notice this!? I've never noticed the difference! Oops.) There's a lot to be thankful for in this world and my ability to complete projects like this definitely is one of them. (Insert sorority voice) Snaps for a busy weekend!

holy wind.

Oh my heavens. I just got back from one of the most ridiculous runs of my life. Maybe I'm being dramatic, but running into a 30 mph headwind isn't exactly my idea of a fun run. Amidst the wind, I was dodging tumble weeds and trying to run with my mouth closed so the dust wouldn't coat my teeth. Yummy. What I set out to be an 8+-miler ended up being barely 6. Booooo. Regardless, I'm still sitting here watching Neb play the Wolverines (currently losing . . . wake UP Huskers!!) and drinking my delicious banana chocolate protein smoothie to help my muscles recover. Mmm.

It's amazing the funny looks people give runners. It's this "ohhh myyy gaaaad!" and "what the devil does she think she's doing over there?" and "I secretly hope she falls on her face because it will make me feel better about sitting on my porch and watching her run by" kind of look. Lots and lots of rubber necks. I think anyone who runs understands what I mean. Either that, or it's the fact that I live in near-West Texas and the concept of exercise is hard-pressed for the majority of the inhabitants.

This is basically what I see when I'm out in New West Texico. This, tumble weeds and pickups. For the record, I'm not complaining. I love living in new places and figuring out all the quirks.

Confession: I have this undying urge to high five any other runner, walker or biker that I see when I'm out doing my thing. I just get really excited when I come across other outdoor/exercise enthusiasts and want to be both encouraging and, naturally, the best of friends (because friendships start with high fives?). Plus, how awesome are high fives from a really happy stranger? Not sure what anyone else thinks, but I love them! The only deterrant is that a lot of people won't look you in the eye or even, much to my disdain, will cross the street if they see someone coming their direction in order to avoid any social contact. That's just awkward, people. And unnecessary. I think I'll make it a new goal to give out high fives during my next run. Just because I can.

a good day becomes incredible.

Today I woke up to a major George snuggle-face and all I could think of is how much I didn't want to get out of bed and head into the office. Not only is my bed like sleeping in a giant, warm marshmallow (sans gooey-ness), but you throw in a Mr. George snug and I'm history. But one look at the clock was enough to get my buns rolling--no pun intended . . .

I had a lot on my plate this morning with one of my clients whose health has become one of my top priorities, so when I went to pick her up for our workout date and she told me she wasn't going, I was really disappointed. In my heart. Further, she had wanted to cancel another appointment I'd made with a nursing evaluation team who were, at that moment, making a three-hour drive to meet with us. Balls. Up until that very moment, I was convinced I'd been succeeding in my job and suddenly the walls were caving in. Within an hour, she miraculously had changed her mind and we were off on our next adventure which ended up going really well. (Insert sorority voice) Snaps for that!

On my drive home for lunch I had a call from a foreign number and it was none other than my Cap!! I know this is cheesy, but imma say it: Nothing has ever sounded so good.

So we chatted until I got home and found a special surprise on my front porch! What was it!? . . . a MIXER! I was so excited when I saw this sitting outside. And it was from none other than my main squeeze! He knows me well. I've been wanting one of these since about grade school and finally, finally I have one. Tonight I'm using it to make something for a benefit bake sale we're having at work tomorrow, so this couldn't have arrived at a more perfect time.

After lunch, I mosied reluctantly back to the office and may or may not have stopped to get a Red Bull and Twizzlers on the way. Think about it . . . odds are?

When I returned, there was another little surprise waiting for me in the form of some lovely fall foliage. And I LOVE fall foliage!

Holy SNAZZ he sent me flowers too!

And this, my friends, is how a good day becomes incredible.

wednesday goodness.

I woke up this morning to the thought of, "OK, lady, how are you going to make this day great?" Love waking up like that. I knew I had to face a bulldog of a person today, so I chose the big girl pants in my closet and guess what? Today has been awesome so far.

I found this through one of my friends and just got done watching it. I cried. It's amazing to me how good people really are. http://www.flixxy.com/welcome-back-heathrow-airport-t-mobile.htm

That, and I constantly think about how great it's going to be when the Cap' comes home to me. I'm not sure I'll have the whole ensemble set up and ready to perform in Lubbock International, but a running hug and smooch combo should suffice.

You know life is worth the struggle when you look back on what you lost, and realize what you have now is way better than before. -Unknown

plant!z

I have a new thing (I think I always have a new thing--keeps life interesting) . . . and it's not really that new. It's kind of an old passion. Plants. I love them. My mom had (has?) this magical little aloe vera plant in the window above her kitchen sink and I would spend hours . . . OK, minutes . . . seconds . . . inspecting it and making the leaves ooze their fantastic healing goo.

Last spring I helped mi capitan and his parents plant a bunch of new life in our yard. Unfortunately the relentless New Mexican sun chose to spoil the fun and soaked up the goodness from the soil, leaving a good handful of our plants tired and thirsty. Sad. But I love yard work and planting/gardening/growing. I love the earth, the smell of freshly cut grass, the life in a new blossom. It's fantastic.

Soooo to keep this all going, I've started my own little garden inside. Check it outttt!

I think I need to re-pot my orchid, but isn't my little yellow rose so cute? I pretend it's my Yellow Rose of Texas since I'm basically a West Texan y'all . . .  I have Trader Joe's of Santa Fe to thank for both of these! This weekend I'm going to Lowe's to pick up supplies to make a ski rack (woohoo) soooo I'll probably buy a new pot and get to work on my mini garden.

OH and I'm going to a Shaman workshop on Saturday and you better BELIZE I'll be writing about it!

life in color photo.

I have a lot to be thankful for. One of those things is being a homeowner in Eastern New Mexico. Well, OK, let's be honest . . . I don't actually own the home, but the man I'm going to marry does . . . technique only.

I'm maintaining it to the best of my abilities and have been working on keeping it as clean as a two-cat household can be. With that said, I did recently take down the display of empty booze bottles that lined the kitchen cupboards, save a few that are "decorative" now AND the growlers, of which my fiance is very proud (and has every right to be). I may also have taken a slight lady liberty and replaced the bikini-girl pin-up with a calendar of my nieces. I meannnn, it's November so the other calendar was coming down soon anyway, right?

The following pictures sum up a lot about my past month as a solo bird in New Mexiland. While awaiting the return of my favorite capitan, I've managed to fill the time with an ample amount of weirdness. Enjoy.

First, I made an almost inapprpriate amount of salsa using the peppers I pulled from our garden.

Stella watched. Note the football game on the TV in the background. This has become my life. No complaints.

While driving to Denver for Halloween, my roommates and I tried to make lightning bolts to attach to my "lightning bug" costume . . . and this is what happened. Our three college educations apparently mean nothing in the world of lightning bolts.

I had an all-expense-paid trip to fabulous Roswell, NM.

. . . which was sufficiently weird.

I drove to Santa Fe and back twice to get these bad boys set up. Rawr. Also? I cleaned out the garage.

Aaaand today I asked my neighbor if he'd help me fix the fence. This is all thanks to the wonderful 50 mph gusts we get on a daily basis. The good news is George and Stella were out in full force to scope the scene. They were a huge help. Like I said . . . I'm maintaing it to the best of my abilities. I guess what Mother Nature had in mind was a little different.

I love the life of a busy bee.

training pants.

The only work training I can think of that I'd truly enjoy is one that involved baking cupcakes. Unfortunately the training I attended today involved nothing of the like. In fact, I had absolutely no idea what I was getting myself into when I was voluntold to go. No, instead of whipping up deliciousness, I was learning how to prevent crises from occurring in the workplace. By crises, I'm talking about people throwing things, choking people, biting, etc. And my job? Deflect. Deflect. Deflect. Granted, I'm sure it would have been much more engaging had I not been sitting there thinking about all of the awesome time I could have been spending with my mom, buuuttttt instead I was doing all I could not to allow my disdain to seep into my facial expressions or body language. Easier said than done.

Luckily we were provided workbooks, the perfect attention-grabber. Mine's now filled full with unimpressive doodles and semi-legible notes. There was ONE thing, however, that nabbed my undivided attention. It was this hot mess of a picture:

HOT pants! Considering how much I love a great pair of high pants, this picture really did the trick to fully engage me in the class. If not for this picture, I probably wouldn't know how to defend myself against an attacker now. Lucky me.

fridge.

I went home for lunch today and added something special to the grocery list Bax started . . .

Our fridge is rad.

MOM visit!

“When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be. When I let go of what I have, I receive what I need.” - Tao Te Ching

Good stuff.

My mom is traveling the brutal 9 hours down to Clovis tomorrow soooo naturally I'm as excited as an elephant in a peanut shop! I have a mini itinerary of what we'll be doing:

1. Thursday dining in: Bax, J and I are making dinner . . . and considering our successfully delicious meal last night of mashed potatoes, beans (mmmm beanzzzzzz) and chicken wings, I think we'll be just fine. Ooo maybe I'll try out my mom's recipe for meatloaf . . . MOM! MEATLOAF!! Just a thought.

2. Friday I have to work--gross--so she's on her own for a few hours to explore the wonderfulness of Clovis. There are definitely places I'll slap her hand for going to (hellooo Southwest-side of town), but she's creative so I'm sure she'll be just fine. I feel like the rest of the night more than likely will entail plenty of wine and plenty of girl talk. And I do mean: Girl. Talk. Dance. Fest. 2011. These moves didn't just appear one day! They came straight from the lady herself: mi madre.

3. Saturday will be Huskermania around the Nancy Lo' household. I might even make some guacamolesss. Watch out; things could get CrAzY! . . . then Saturday night I'll cruise the streets of Portales (Note: If anyone has a real classy purple low-rider with tinted windows, I could really use one) and show her campus, then treat her to a fancy Italian dinner at Vines. Repeat: CrAzY.

4. Sunday will be an early-morning sad goodbye sesh as she heads down the road to Nebraskerville and I trek the opposite direction to Santa Fe to pick up MY SKIIIIIIS! I've been getting overly- and probably awkwardly-excited for ski season sooo if I don't get some powder splashed in my face fast SOON I might lose it.

Kidding. But really.

Looks like it's going to be a great weekend.

finding inspiration.

I joined the O Club today. One of my professors is big into Oprah and although I'm pretty late in the game for hopping on the O bandwagon, it's better late than never, right? Call it a typical "woman" move, but there's nothing wrong with a little inspiration every now and then . . .

In fact, last night I came home to the delightful smell of tacos. (Not being sarcastic here.) I love having roommates who A. cook for each other, and B. care about each other. One of my roommates asked me where I'd been and said he thought I typically got home from class around 6:30 instead of 8:00. Seriously, touched my heart a little. I love George and Stella, but they can't exactly show the same kind of concern. They just want to make sure I'm feeding them their wet food every morning, BUT last night we had a little revelation. I signed off on a skype date with my loverface and next thing I know, I have a George-hat and Stella-necklace. A STELLA necklace. This was huge for us--and now I KNOW she loves me and I'd even stretch it to say she cares. Yes, I'm blogging about my cats again . . . look, there really are no limits to love and I'll take it where I get it.

And so I digress . . .

To thoroughly understand the world, to explain it, to despise it, may be the thing great thinkers do. But I'm only interested in being able to love the world, not to despise it, not to hate it and me, to be able to look upon it and me and all things with love and admiration and great respect. - Herman Hesse

gestalt-isms.

You know when you're sitting in church and about five minutes into the sermon you realize it was written for you? Whatever was burdening your heart or bludgeoning your brain suddenly flows eloquently through the preacher's words, as if intended solely for you.

I experienced that tonight in my Counseling Theories class.

Sometime during the first hour of class my brain caught hold of a few menacing thoughts and, despite unicorn-filled efforts, just wouldn't loosen its grip. Instead of wallowing, I busted out my trusty journal and started an entry (stop judging . . . I love me a good journal sesh) more to dissociate than to ruminate, if you will. A few sentences later, realized that not only was my professor trying to say something poignant, but he was looking directly at me. Sheeeoooooooottttaaaahhhhh. You know that feeling? When you know that they know that you're not paying attention but they require your undivided attention . . . I digress. At that moment I put down the pen and turned my listening ears back on.

We were discussing a chapter on Gestalt Theory which, in my novice opinion, is highly relevant in the new-aged Western school of thought. "Unfinished business," Dr. C explained, "defines things from the past--thoughts, actions, decisions--that affect your here and now." Well hot-damn he was onto something with this. He had us envision our most embarrassing moment and wait for the physiological reaction that accompanies the memory. The only thing I could think of was during my sophomore year of high school when I ripped my pants (no less acting like a fool) in choir and had to get my brother out of shop class to take me home to change. The hot look Mr. Williams gave me was enough to fry an egg on an iceblock. I felt a little twinge in my belly thinking back on that. Interesting concept. Try it.

Long story short, I generally don't enjoy this particular professor's lectures, but this one hit home for some reason or another and I have this new-found appreciation for the guy. And truth be told, it's a much better way to look at things. Yay for grad school. :)

more new mexiventures.

Tonight I returned from a little city in the middle of nowhere, famous for two things (one public, one personal): 1. A 1947 alien UFO siting and 2. Just a few short years later, the birth of a one-day well-known engineer, also known as my future father-in-law (that's a lot of hyphens for one sentence).

Roswell, NM

Last night I didn't do much sight-seeing (unless you count the inside of Target . . . priorities people!), but today I walked around downtown to see what kind of things I could find. As it would turn out, the most interesting thing I found was some alien-printed toilet paper that I thought about bringing back for my roommates, but decided against it. "Oh hey guys, I found you a sweet roll of TP with aliens on it! Yay! . . . " They already think I'm weird enough, so I thought I probably shouldn't push it too much.

Anyway, I was in Roswell for a work training. I walked in with some pretty low expectations, but was pleasantly surprised to find myself enjoying the sessions. It didn't hurt that I was one of three in the class, instead of sitting in the back of a freezing cold classroom in a hard plastic chair taking notes (i.e. doodling) on a clipboard. One of my classmates was cracking me up (on the inside of course . . . I do have some tact) with her comments . . . she was a very Evangelical Christian and would say things like "Lord, guard my heart!" and "The Lord blesses you another month" and, my personal favorite, "Dern." While I'm not a huge fan of imposing one's beliefs on anyone else, I grew to appreciate her Southwestern Christian charm so when she told me, "Many blessings to you and your fiance as you plan your wedding and life together . . . God bless you and your family," I believed her. How many times do you get a sincere blessing like that? Once a week? Year? Lifetime? Chances are, it's not often enough. I'm holding onto this one.

Another thing that made me happy during the class was a little textie I got from one of my best girlies with THIS picture in it:

THIS IS THE DRESS I WORE TO PERFORM IN WITH THE SCARLET AND CREAM SINGERS! AND GUESS WHAT!? IT'S MIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINE! She found it in the S&C archive room where she works. My friends are the BEST.

sleepytime inspiration.

Ahhh hello Tuesday. Last night I raked in a solid 3 hours of sleep, so although the coffee is flowing like the salmon of Capistrano right now, I'm bound to be napping under my desk later today. I'm not above these things.

As I was spilling toothpaste all over God's creation this morning, I was thinking to myself, SELF: how do you choose to live this day with a mere three hours of beauty rest in your handbag? And here's what popped into my head:

“Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.” -Howard Thurman

Funny, because I've been reading about a lot of existential psychology that centers on, more or less, this basic belief: live to be alive. I can't explain how happy I was that my brain turned to this. Today I will be alive. And tonight I will sleep like it's nobody's business. George best be giving up my pillow, the little sleepytime thief.