safe travels.

Last weekend I took a little trip to Destin to visit an L-T I've taken a liking to. Let me just begin with: I almost didn't make it. Thursday happened to be my birthday, and what did I choose to do on my 23rd? I moved. Fast forward to Thursday night... I was up to my eye balls in what looks like Hiroshima in my new apartment, so instead of going to bed and dealing with it later, I went into Martha Stewart mode and dove in. Around 2:45 I decided to take a nap, then woke up again at quarter till 4:00, about the time I was planning on driving to the airport to catch my flight...

Long story short, I made it to the airport at 5:30... (flight time: 6:10). The people at the check-in desk were way awesome, got me checked in in .2 seconds, then yelled at me to "RUN FORREST RUNNNN" as I hauled ass to the security line. If I wasn't in a rush, I would have been annoyed at their mocking. When I got to security, the guard looked at my ticket after I asked him if there was any way I could cut to the front of the Godforsakenly long line and said, "Ehh you'll have time." Omigod. F*CK YOU BUDDY. So I got in line and pouted for about 5 minutes before I started asking people if I could cut. Thank God for foreign travelers. This lovely little lady with bright red lipstick and hair to match let me move in front of her. Later I found out she didn't speak English; she was just a nod-and-smile'r. Like I said, thank God for foreign travelers. After I made it through security, I hauled even more ass (Flip flops were a bad choice. I may have slipped on a stair or two... just awesome.) to my gate, which was appropriately located at the end of a long terminal, and got on the plane 10 minutes before take-off. I promptly headed for the bathroom so I could change into a dry pair of shorts.

On my flight to Hotlanta, I sat next to two brothers: Austin (10) and Darnell? (8). Just adorable. Austin talked my ear off--bless his heart--after having nuzzled on my shoulder nearly the whole flight. Precious. Highlights from our conversation include:

1. "Last year on the 4th we were lighting fireworks, then went out back and someone had shot through our dad's car window..." Fantastic.
2. In reference to his cousin: "If he had super powers, he'd be at about 1,000%."
3. "Everyone in my family has been to the ER, 'cept me. I broke my brother's arm last year." (Why?) "Because he hit me on the head and made me mad." (Naturally.)
4. Austin had a lisp. To understand why this means so much to me, refer to my family's home videos circa 1992... then you might know why.

Once I got off the plane in Hotlanta and found out the computers were down, I planted myself in a seat next to my gate to observe the mayhem. And this is when I totally lost faith in our society. It was chaos. "No ma'am I'm sorry, I can't answer that question, our computers are down..." "But I was just wondering where the nearest restroom was...?" (That sort of thing.)

After getting tired of watching a bunch of incompetent people throwing temper tantrums, I walked over to the bar to check out the soccer game. I put my psuedo-serious-game-face on and asked the guy next to me what the score was (like I really cared). His answer? "Lebanon is up 2." Ohhhh Lebanon! Good! Woohoo! As it turns out, it was the Netherlands playing Brazil, but hey, I'll take Lebanon. So then he leans in (actually he leaned up because he was more of a nugget) and asks if I played sports. I told him I only played in high school (insert: leave-me-alone-look). Instead of acknowledging social cues, he then asked my name followed by a super awkwardly delivered "you're very pretty." I turned around and walked away, but don't you worry, he lurked around my gate until my flight boarded. Not creepy at all.

I made it to Destin. And I couldn't have been happier.