twistaz.

When I started at my job, I really had absolutely no idea what I was getting myself into other than the fact that A. I fiiiinally had a sweet job that I wasn't ashamed to admit to, and B. The people who hired me seemed toolegittoquit. But surprisingly, those are only two small aspects of why I love what I do. What really makes my job cooler than being cool is the fact that I'm one of the CEOs. Uh huh... See. Ee. Oh. Also known as Chief Evacuation Officer. For everyone who's known me, well, for at least 10 minutes, you probably know that not only do I think a fart is about the funniest thing in the whole world (unless it comes out of my brother... then I just start throwing punches because no one should have to suffer that biz), but a majority of my humor lies in the gutter. So it should be no big surprise that I thought the irony of this little title was too hilarious for its own good. One of these days I'll grow up.

Back to my CEO responsibilities... In my overhead bin (is that what you call it? a bin? whatever.) is a hat embroidered with the title Floor Warden that I'm supposed to wear during an emergency evacuation (wasn't so thrilled when I found out about that one), a neon green flash light, an emergency evacuation kit AND AND AND a megaphone. You don't understand how many times I want to use that megaphone during the day. Think of every possible time during the day that you want/need to yell, laugh, scream obscenities, annoy someone, tell someone off, find a coworker, find a piece of chocolate, tell someone a random fact, tell a story, or explain a procedure... multiply that number by 10 and you are getting close to the amount of times I'm tempted to megasize my voice. Some day maybe I'll get the guts to do it, but until then, I'll bite my tongue. I'm not sure the realdeal CEO and Prez would think it's as cute as I would.

So TODAY I actually got to put into motion my CEO responsibilities. A wall of dark gray clouds rolled in across the great citayy of Menver and what did it bring with it? Rain? Hail? No no no... TORNADOES! And I freaking hate tornadoes. They make me all sorts of nervous. So once I saw Fred get into the zone, I knew I had to follow his lead. So I grabbed my radio and started listening to his commands to each floor. I felt like I was in a theatrical real-life production of a James Bond movie where Fred was James and I was the sultry Bond girl... only, I was wearing way too many clothes and not enough make-up to be a Bond girl (but you get the idea). I waited for my instruction, which ended up only being to call a few Floor Captains and make sure every employee was away from windows and to the center of their floor (our building is practically made of glass, so if something would actually hit us, we'd be pretty screwed). I'll be honest, my palms got a little sweaty and I'm sure I started to blush like a beet, but to say it was exhilarating would be... um, an overstatement... but secretly exciting? Totally.

Thankfully the warning turned into a watch after about 15 minutes of moderate panic. But until then, thoughts like "Where's my phone? What kind of loss does my insurance cover? Did I bring anything valuable to work today? and Damn, I have Sarah and Courtney's bday presents on my desk and rrreally need to send those today" came to mind. And so ended my first experience as the CEO of my company. What. A. Trip.