casseroles.

So the past few weeks have been pretty crazy in my world. My dad and his family visited the mountains (I like to pretend they actually only came here to see me just to make myself feel better, although considering they've been making this trip for the past 15ish years, it's blatantly obvious that they didn't... I digress.) to celebrate Christmas the right way with skiing, awkward family gift swap, hot tubs and hot cocoa and, my personal fave... or not... casseroles. I realize this whole concept of the "casserole" is supposed to be like the end-all for meal-planning, but someone please help a sister out.

A casserole is your mother or grandmother's way of cramming a bunch of old shit that's been sitting into a cupboard + a hearty helping of leftovers into a pyrex pan and saying, "Hey! It's a delicious new creation! Yep, that's corn and cream cheese and ground beef and ham and pesto and sour cream and cheddar and monterey jack and pickles and black beans and maraschino cherries and pineapple and whole grain pasta (because it's healthier) and water chestnuts and dates and potato wedges and almonds and spinach and garbanzo beans and allspice and Nesquick and lard and orange peel and tomato sauce and apple butter and lemongrass in there." Mmmm so delicious. Inevitably the recipe has been handed down through 16 generations, so if anything, you're guilted into eating it with a smile on your face. And if you don't clear your plate... after having seconds and maybe thirds... you're doomed.

I need to make mention of one tiny thing. Corn doesn't belong in casseroles. I've just recently embraced corn being put into things, so I do realize this may just be a work in progress for me. My mom makes this thing called Carolyn's Casserole which is among one of her prized dishes. Or at least it used to be. Don't get me wrong, my mom could cook circles around Emeril and those other TV goons, but this Carolyn's thing is one helluva nightmare in a dish. Ingredients: corn, hamburger, cream cheese, noodly things, cheese, and some other unidentifiable stuff. Omigosh it makes me feel nauseated just thinking about it. My brothers used to request it for their birthday dinners and I'm convinced they only did it to spite me. I think it was because I was the youngest... and cutest. One of my brothers also had a knack for requesting things like chipped beef on toast (which is actually insanely delicious). All CBOT is is a packet of dried beef (the old 39-cent special at Hinky Dinky) cut up and stirred into a pot of bubbling cream of mushroom soup and poured over two pieces of dry toast. The only other family in the history of families who I can think ate this stuff is Laura Ingalls Wilder's clan.

I have a friend who gets freaked out about beans. This makes absolutely no sense to me as I am a strong bean advocate. If I could eat a pot of mixed beans all day every day, I think I would. Throw in a little CBOT and Ovaltine and you've got yourself one delicious, and classy, meal. Beans belong everywhere. They're the magical fruit. Really. Honestly.

Now that I've ragged on casseroles enough, I'll (naturally) counter my credibility by mentioning a few of my guilty pleasures (in no distinct order because they're all equally mind-blowing):

1. Potato Ole's with nacho cheese and Mexi Rolls at Taco Johns. I became a connoisseur of TJ's at a very young age. Pair this order with an ice cold Surge and you have yourself one damn fine meal.

2. Strawberry milk. Once again, as a kid this was my beverage of choice. I don't know if it was because of the awesome bottle the strawberry syrup junk came in (bunny-shaped) or the fact that it's abnormally delicious, but I got hooked at a very young age and am not above buying a bottle of this stuff for a road trip every now and then.

3. Waffle Crisp. Do they even make this stuff anymore? In high school I used to kill a box of this stuff on nearly every basketball trip. I think the sugar helped to sustain me throughout the games... or maybe it was the fact that I kept smelling the maple syrup flavoring on my fingers and played harder to win the games faster so I could get back to my Crisp. Yep, I bet that's what it was.

4. Slim Jims. I raaaaaarely eat these, but there's really nothing like a good Slim Jim. In 5th grade I would buy these off the snack cart with my Duster Dollars to munch on while we were forced to watch Channel One. The only bad part about this was that my reading teacher made us take notes--VERY detailed effing notes--about the news stories and blahblahblah, which really got in the way of my enjoyment of my stick of processed meat.

5. Barbeque sauce. Ohhhhhhh I could eat this on everything. And I do. Need a little something extra on a salad? Cottage cheese? Turkey wrap? Chicken nuggets? Eggs? YEP. BBQ is the universal condiment second to peanut butter... which I also could and do eat on everything.

6. Gummies. Another bad road trip habit of mine. Here's the slieu: Peachies, Strawberry Puffs, Sour Worms, Sour Octopi, Gummy Bears, Gummy Worms, Gummy Frogs, Gummy Root Beer, Swedish Fish, Apple-O's, Cinnamon Bears and mochi.

Don't judge me. And stop drooling.