watch out wheel.

OK, so I have a confession... aside from my love of animals (sans spiders...), writing academic papers, skinny soy lattes and trips to the sauna, I'm an avid Wheel of Fortune watcher. To prove my point, last night at the gym I switched machines after seeing that Wheel was on TV at the other end of the room. Pathetic? No way. Clearly I was doing myself a favor by both exercising my mind and my body. Besides, it takes away from the boredom that is programmed into elliptical-ing. I'm not exactly sure where this whole obsession stems from because I distinctly remember sitting in my Gma Artie's kitchen and hating the fact that we had to watch Wheel instead of Nicktoons while she made dinner. Vom. But now... consider me a 75-year-old woman, because I lurrrrrv it. It's not like I actually enjoy Pat Sajak's terrible jokes, but I do love his social awkwardness. It's one of my most treasured indulgences actually. Not to mention the contestant interviews... they always either have a beautiful wife "Tracy," a wonderful husband of 14 years "Mark," and/or three amazing children, "Talon, Lucas and Bri." Last night one of the women admitted to being part of a "Drunko Bunko" club while the other woman was a retail manager who liked to... actually she was boring so I can't remember... do something insignificant in her free time. It was probably exercising or sewing teddy bears or something. This same woman won a puzzle later on in the show and got so excited she told Pat she was having a heart attack... then kept talking about it... and wouldn't shut up about it... the best part was that he completely ignored her and laughed into the camera while creepily putting his hand on the small of her back. Haaa... ew. The other guy, Kyle, who was constantly getting cheered on by Angie (it got a little weird), was just all sorts of ridiculous. He won two puzzles in a row with a whopping $750. Really? Pat even took the opportunity to take a stab at his measley winnings... then he turned around and up'd the amount to $1,000 beacuse that's the "house minimum." Meaning... after taxes and Pat and Vanna's cut of the deal, I'm assuming Kyle walked away with about $27.00 and a trip to St. Thomas. At least he'll be able to buy a mimosa on the plane ride over.

At any rate, I (secretly) desperately want to be a Wheel contestant. And guess what... I applied today. Don't judge. It's a little lame, but you know what's not lame? Winning $15,000 cash/prizes, then solving the final puzzle and winning a car/million dollars/or I'd even settle for the $25,000 that they like to play off as a small amount. Think about it. It could be awesome. All I have to do is cross my fingers that the WheelMobile will come through the Midwest and take a twentysomething little lady and she what she's made of... And trust me, I'd spell the shit out of those words. Aaaaaaaand that's what's up.