I think I've gotten away from the true intent of this little blog (I still don't like admitting that it's a "blog"), so I'm gonna take a step back in an effort to get in touch with my innerblog... that's not a word... but what I mean is that I think this has gotten a little "soap-boxy/day-in-the-life-of-me" and I'm not sure what's more annoying than continual word vomit in the form of "I statements." SO it's back to basics bitches. I'm not saying I won't recount awesomeness that happens in my life (See--> Africa or Climbing Things), but I like the whole unraveling pop culture with plenty of sarcasm thing.
Yesterday I caught sight of something that sent my imagination in a tail spin. I was eating lunch and noticed a middle-aged man walking by my table over to his little nook of OCD. (This is another thing I need to talk about sometime, but for now... I'll keep going.) As he passed I noticed he was wearing a polo and khakis, but something just didn't seem right. Or fit right. His waist was about the circumference of an apple and he had hips. No, he wasn't a woman, but he did have a mom butt. I mean, I was even a little jealous because I feel like he had a better lady butt than me.
So this led me to look at other guys' butts, naturally. Well, actually let me back up a second. Take a look at the picture above... although this may appear to be a man's butt, in reality it is more of a he-she butt. And why? Because this guy actually has a pair of breasties. Thanks to the photographic skillz of my gentleman friend, this picture is now more than just a picture of a man in a G-string; it's inspiration. If this guy has the balls (and boobs...) to walk around in a silver G-string bikini, I don't want to hear excuses about people not wanting to do something because they'll feel stupid. This guy walks up and down the beach flaunting his bits (and sassy blonde skullet) and tight little tush daily. Now THAT is See Me Run shit if I ever saw it.
Back to my thoughts... after doing some man-butt research (strictly for educational purposes only, I swear), I've concluded a few things:
1. More guys have hips than you'd think.
2. Khakis aren't flattering unless you have a "hockey butt." (I may or may not have borrowed that term from someone.) Let's just say, athleticism isn't the worst thing when it comes to rocking some chinos.
3. Dockers with pleats in front are a no no because they lend too much ease to potential bif's.
4. Bedazzled and snazzed up jeans belong only on women, tweens and gay men.
5. There generally are only two types of man-butts: apple bottoms and pancake butts.
6. Back-sided happy trails are unacceptable and should be removed regardless of any Nancy Pants (no pun intended) excuse. No one needs to know that you have a forest hiding in your underthings.
7. Belts and suspenders are encouraged at all times.
8. ...Although I do love me a good plumber's crack.
9. I still say no to skinny jeans on guys. Face it, it does nothing for your butt.
10. I recently saw the inside of a zipper that said "Lucky You" and was overjoyed. Well done, Lucky Brand. Keep it up.
No comments:
Post a Comment