piratey things.

For the past two weeks all I've seen on the news are developing stories about a Colorado man shot by Mexican pirates in a lake straddling the USA-Mex border (I heard the term straddling this morning and really enjoyed the fact that the anchor used it.). I don't have a problem with the fact that news stations have made this tragic story a national headline. What I do have a problem with is the backlash from this guy's family... and don't even get me started on angry Colorado citizens (I'll get to them later).

Let me just say that I regard this situation to be extremely tumultuous for someone to try to grasp as a reality, so I understand the tears and desire for justice. Contrastly, I find it ludicrous that they are calling out President Obama and Secretary Clinton to help them in their plight for justice. Seriously guys. "Help us Obama! We need our justice! Help me find my husband and bring him hoooome!" Are you effing kidding me? "Secretary, we need your help. We can't do this without you." For God's sake. I can bet you Mr. Obama and Ms. Clinton can do about as much as my next door neighbor for this situation with the exception of maybe meeting with Mexico's prez and saying, "Hey, I know this is kind of awkward, but these two women are totally holding us accountable (I know, wtf right?) and we need your help to make us look good. Can you, like, at least make it look like you're searching?" When did people become so needy that they feel entitled to have the president and secretary of state lead their search party? I for one find this ridiculous.

To add insult to injury, last week a group of angry protesters marched to the Mexican Consolate in Denver to demand justice. Huh... will someone please explain to me what a group of Denverian diplomats are going to do in this situation? Rent a speed boat to go search pirated waters for a man's body? Give me a break.

Some news stations even have gone so far as to point fingers at the wife, questioning her part in the murder. Again, someone pleasssse give me a break. No no no. Then of course fingers got pointed toward Mexican drug cartel. Hmm, so what happened next? A Mexican official was found decapitated. People: shut. up.

Moving on to the term "pirate." When I first heard the broadcast of this story, all I could picture was Johnny Depp harpooning some guy off his giant ship. Apparently I still live in a Disney box and expect a pirate to be wearing an eye patch and MC Hammer pants, have about 6 teeth in his mouth and a parrot perched on his shoulder. And I know I'm not the only one. I even played out in my head this little fantasy involving a big fancy dancy pirate ship with One-Eyed Willy (in his prime) manning the wheel. He was throwing his head back and laughing while his shipmates were having a dance party with a bunch of slooty piratehookers on the deck because they had just raided another ship for gold. I guess my assumptions were a little off... but if anyone doesn't believe the story of The Goonies couldn't be real, shame on them; they have no sense of adventure. Once my suspension of disbelief let go its control of my thoughts, I realized that this was probably kind of a serious situation. And I did care... until they started in with all of their woe-is-me-because-I-have-my-ten-seconds-of-fame shenanigans. I changed the channel to Curious George.