Last night I was watching a late-night news-y special on some retreat place that is designed to make gay guys un-gay. Hmm. Right. Because I had so many issues with the premise of this show, I stayed awake far past my granny-pants bedtime to watch it.
First thing's first. I should probably state my opinion on the matter. Gay people are born gay. Straight people are born straight. Although I'm very happy with the fact that I'm attracted to men, I didn't choose to be because that's just how I'm designed, which is the same as a woman who's attracted to a woman, man and man, penguin and penguin... you get the point. People, if I could or would ever preach anything to anyone, it would be this: Focus your energy on yourself. Instead of casting stones, get yourself in check first. If you do in fact find that you're a divine being, then go ahead and work your magic, but chances are you're a normal, flawed human just like the rest of us. With that being said... shushup and take care of yourself because you probably need it. <--Damn, that's needlepoint shit if I ever saw it.
Now that you know where I'm coming from, I'll get back to the story.
The reporter opened with a feature on this guy named Preston who was a devout Mormon fighting his sexual attraction to men. Growing up he was tormented with the thought that no one would accept him if he came out, so he held off on dudes until his early twenties. Two years after that, he married a woman. And for the past few years he's been attending this Camp Un-gay in an effort to channel his gayness and change into a straight man. Like I mentioned once before, I have so many problems with this I don't even know where to start.
Next they filmed him in session at Camp Un-gay and it was actually kind of disturbing. The two men who run it reminded me of Olive Oil and Stimpy. Stimpy was interviewed and quoted as saying that he was formerly "gay-identified" but now feels and acts like and is a straight man. I didn't believe him for a second. Stimpy, who has no formal training or education, referred to himself as a Life Coach and tagged along like a chubby puppy behind wherever Olive Oil the psychologist would go. It wasn't even close to being as cool as the Ambiguously Gay Duo, mostly because they didn't wear spandex and fly around on top of each other or drive a penis car. Instead they were shown sticking pieces of duct tape on men that said both discriminating and encouraging words... like that's gonna help. There was also a lot of passionate embracing, hand-holding, holding each others' gazes a little bit too long, and lotssss of crying. I have absolutely no problem with a man who cries, but a group of guys sobbing over a tape recording of The Itsy Bitsy Spider is just ridiculous. "Get in touch with that little boy you once knew. Go back to that place," cooed Stimpy as the men wiped each others' tears and rubbed each others' backs and legs.
I think it goes without saying that this little camp was nothing more than a scheme for Stimpy and Olive Oil to make a few pennies and attempt to brainwash these poor guys. Thankfully at the end of the show the reporter interviewed two guys who had attended the camp and had nothing good to say about it. Finally, someone was talking sense. I was sick of listening to that Preston guy and his wife giggle about being attracted to the same type of man. (Good for her for being cool with it I guess.) These two anti Camp Un-gayers had more sane things to say in their two-minute spot than Stimpy, Olive Oil and their faithful followers did in the other 58 minutes of the show.
I don't really know how the reporter kept a straight face the entire time because it was pure shenanigans going on in that place. Oh, and good news... Preston's wife is expecting.
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