in.you.end.o.

Holy hell, I'm reading an article on buyer agent's vs. subagent's responsibility to inform buyers/sellers of latent defects... and am going nuts. So what better way to wake myself up than chat about one of my faaaaavorite subjects: Christian music.

Yesterday I was driving to a benefit dinner for an organization my coworker volunteers for and was stuck in the lovely mayhem of Colorado Blvd's rush hour. And it was raining. And people turn into slugs when it's raining. I feel like Colorado drivers are nearing me closer and closer to a coronary embolism every time I get behind the wheel. Oh sure, I don't mind the fact that you're not only driving like a wounded turtle, but you're on your phone, painting your nails, and lighting up a J. Typical.

Anyway, I killed the time by scanning radio stations because there's only so much "Bedrock" or "Oh My Gosh" I can hear before I literally have to roll down the window and vomit. I came across an unknown station that had a song on that sounded like a rough Indie cut, so I stayed there for awhile. It sounded kind of cool, so I listened to the lyrics a little more closely... only to figure out that I had come across a Christian music station. Ha.

I'll admit that for like a year in middle/high school, I was a Nicole C. Mullen fan and maybe sang "We Will Dance" and "Lord I Life Your Name On High" in the shower, but I quickly learned that I was toeing the line of social corruption, so I reevaluated and turned my focus elsewhere. Some may argue my decision was the opposite and I actually turned corrupt, but I happen to disagree and I'll tell you one reason why: the lyrics. Um, have you ever listened to a contemporary Christian song? It's chalked FULL of innuendo. I'm of the opinion that this is intentional. "You Raise Me Up..." Huh. Yeah, Josh Groban, I bet so. Despite his undeniably incredible and velvety pipes, he's the biggest offender there is. Did you really think people would take you seriously for singing about getting, uh, raised up? Silly, silly man.

Another one: "I don't know how but there's power when I'm on my knees." Riiiiiiiiight. My best friend in Scarlet and Cream sang this bad boy during auditions our first year and yes, it was absolutely incredible because Sums has the most amazing voice ever, but she was never able to live it down. (That's probably because we Screamers were born with our heads in the gutter, but that's beside the point.) I realize that people pray on their knees, blahblahblah, but come on people, you reeeaaaally should think twice before copywriting that biz. Just a thought.

I know I always say this, but it just warms my heart. Really.

I could go on and on, but the fact is that I get way more amusement out of the fact that the people who are suuuper into this stuff (and don't see/ignore the innuendo) are just completely kidding themselves. Moreover, I think it's kind of a subliminal thing. Like it's their way of saying, "I really just want to hop in the sack, but I'm gonna pretend like I'm singing about sending praises and letting him come in... (you get the point)."

So with those thoughts, I switched the station to come across a song a little more blatant about its sexual innuendo: My Chick Bad. Now that's more like it, Ludacris. Just throw in a little J. Bieber and life's golden.