pro climber.

I think I have a new goal.

Backstory: A couple weeks ago, I was talking to one of my company's paralegals who is probably one of the most bombshell 50-somethings I know. Some people would call her a Cougar... whathaveyou. (Oh, and of course I was with my faaaavesies, Bonnie, who knows everythingabouteverything, so I obviously didn't do a whole lot of talking during this convo. I still managed to get in a few good questions. Speaking of the Bonster... she shuffled into my cube earlier today to talk to me about Godknowswhat and I swear she farted en route. Good Lord those Ensure shake farts really sting your nose.) Throughout the day, the Cougar paralegal will walk down to our gym to lift weights for 10-15 minutes at a time. I remember the first time I saw her doing this. I went to the gym to do a few downward dogs and decided against it when I saw her because I prefer to do my yoga in privacy if possible. Nothing like having someone walk in on you during the middle of a somewhat compromising position, then having to see them again in the copy room an hour later. Anyway, she was wearing a minidress (refer back to short shortz...), spike heels, and was pumping out some shoulder presses like nobody's business. It took me a little while not to both think this was strange and be a little jealous of her 5'10" size-sixness, but let's be honest, I got over it.

Well apparently she is a competitive stair climber and likes to train in short sessions during the day... holy. balls. that. is. awesome. She told me that these little competitions are held in the tallest buildings all over the world and people get suuuuuper serious about it. In a few weeks she's going to L.A., then later to NYC to compete. So of course I did my research and the record for the Willis Tower in Chicago is like 20 minutes to the top. Can you imagine the butt on that guy? Giving him a little love tap clearly would be out of the question for fear of breaking your hand on one of his rock solid cheeks. Omigod I want that. Besides, how awesome would it be to be the world's best stair climber? OK maybe not that awesome... or even something you ever mention in public... ever... but whatever, I still think it would be cool.

So I think I might start climbing the stairs at work every day. Maybe I can even start a climbing group. We could make T-shirts...

Goal #4,862: Champion Stair Climber. If anyone has a connection to Nike, you can probably go ahead and give them the heads up so that they can transfer their sponsorship from Tigercan'tkeephispantson to me. Thanks.